Have you ever said, "I feel fat"?

Uncategorized Sep 22, 2020

I feel fat.

How many of you have said that? How many of you have FELT that way? What does FEELING fat mean??? When I have said and felt that, the other descriptors I’d use were heavy, gross, too big, full. I’ve heard ‘fat is not a feeling’ but for me it was a VERY visceral sensation, something I was fucking FEELING and it sucked. And kept me stuck.

I want to be clear that feeling fat had NOTHING to do with the number on the scale. During my life with eating disorders, the more active I was in my self-destructive thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors of restricting/binging and purging, the more ‘fat I felt’ no matter what size I was. That’s because, yes ‘feeling fat’ is real but that’s just the surface, what’s beneath is where the deeper truth lives, where the work is.

It was time to begin the journey beneath the surface. It was time to uncover, discover, and recover. It was time to look inside and see what other feelings...

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Top 20 Tools for Transformation & the Addition over Subtraction practice

Uncategorized Jul 26, 2020

What if I told you that to quit smoking, you actually did not have to ‘quit’ anything? What if I told you to stop obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors around food and body, you did not have to ‘stop’ anything? What if I told you that to give up whatever behaviors, patterns, habits, beliefs not serving you, you actually don’t have to ‘give up’ anything?

Most people resist change because… it’s too hard. It's too uncomfortable or even painful. It takes too long. It’s too much effort. “I’m too busy in all of these other areas of my life.” This is what I hear from people who are contemplating taking the steps to make big changes in their lives. Take a moment, get quiet and ask if there’s an area in your life that is holding you back. If the answer is clearly YES, I would like you to know you do not have to quit, stop, or give up anything to experience transformation. Sounds crazy but it makes...

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A perfectly imperfect story. My story. (a recovery journey from 20 plus years with eating disorders)

Uncategorized Jul 18, 2020

Wow. Sitting down to tell ‘my story’ is very uncomfortable which is why it is so important to do. Learning how to experience the discomfort and not try to hide or escape it was and is a huge part of my recovery journey… learning how to be okay not being okay. Bulimia and Anorexia, the food and body obsession, the too many to count behaviors that I was using were my hiding place, my escape. They kept me from uncomfortable feelings. I perceived this as my eating disorder was protecting me, keeping me safe. The reality is I was buried so deep in all of it, not only was I was I unable to feel, I could not connect, open up, share, create, express, experience, live fully.

 

As early as I can remember I loved food, which is completely fine (Enjoying food, I’ve learned is ok.) but as an only child of a working mom, a latchkey kid they referred to me as, food also became my babysitter and best friend. What a clever disguise! Binge eating on anything I could find...

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The past has a purpose

Uncategorized Jul 08, 2020

Someone asked the other day, if you could do anything over in life, what would it be? I was flooded with memories of experiences, choices, heartbreaks, debts, and more but I was able to take a pause and reflect. What I have always had the most judgement about of my past was the many many years living with my eating disorder, the secrecy, shame, obsessions, compulsive behaviors, and self destructive ways of living. If I were to have answered that question even several months ago, my answer would have been a clear, 'I would not have wasted so much time in my fucking eating disorder.' Sitting where I am at now, one day from launching a program for people struggling with eating disorders as well as food and body issues, I feel the exact opposite. Without my struggles, my failures, mistakes, relapses, without my journey, I would not have been able to create this program which I know will help people who are where I was- hopeless, afraid, and alone but knowing that there had to...

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